Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
