haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
