from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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