The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize