so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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