Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
