M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
