chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
