I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
