Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
