Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
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