This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Success! We fucked roommates!
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize