Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
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