don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
