Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
