god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
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