the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize