Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
