This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
