he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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