I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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