people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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