weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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