If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
