$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
