I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Randomize
