She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
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