I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize