I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Found your dick twin last night
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
