I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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