A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
