someone get that fucking seahorse.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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