he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
