If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
