Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
