A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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