why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
