Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize