Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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