How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Randomize
