my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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