I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Randomize