so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize