when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
