Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
