I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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