what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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