Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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