dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
