please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Randomize
