i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
