I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
