Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
