Plan B is the new Plan A
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
