At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
