I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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