so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I have tasted many bathrooms
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