I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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