OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
