well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
You're a waste of cheezeits
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize