Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
