those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
