TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
