Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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