Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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