This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Randomize
