I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
