My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
