The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
