exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
