a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
