Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
