dude i'm inner monologue high
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
