I looked at my own cervix.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
