just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
