Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
The power of my boobs compel you
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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