i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
