There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
