it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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