Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
