Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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