areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
PANTIES FOUND
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