It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
