somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
