Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
