I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
