I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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