How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Never let your siblings swipe right.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
