I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
3 2 1 whiskey
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Randomize
