I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
