happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
