But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
