would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
