oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
