Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
True strength comes from lack of pants
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
