youre lurking in front of me
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
