I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
