PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
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