so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
