just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
