I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
as a side note pls kill me
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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