We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
