Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
where are you?
Hypothermia
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
