I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
