Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(740): View more from Ohio

Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.

(740): View more from Ohio

Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight

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(530): View more from California

i'm lost and i look like a hooker

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(586): View more from Michigan

i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"

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(510): View more from California

I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms

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(414): View more from Wisconsin

I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.

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(206): View more from Washington

What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?

(425): View more from Washington

Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.

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(541): View more from Oregon

I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time

(1-570): View more from Pennsylvania

You are my new hero

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(765): View more from Indiana

Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?

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