I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize