A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
