yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
