If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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